Another photography related essay, but about a more recent event (actually from the last weekend) in a little more story and less gloomy images.
A remembrance on one late spring
afternoon
I
sat on the stairs in front of the apartment waiting Jaekyeong to come out. Late
afternoon sun glowed over the village. Jaekyeong came down and stood in front
of me. I picked up my camera and started walking. Jaekyeong followed swiftly.
I
walked quite fast so Jaekyeong had to catch up on walking with me. She grabbed
my arms. “Could you PLEASE walk a little slower or something?” I shrugged, “I’m
being slow, you know.” I grabbed my camera in my right hand and stroked her
hair with another. She grabbed her camera, too. Her eyes sparkled with curiosity
and joy mixed with a little bit of confusion. She tried adjusting her camera,
clicking buttons and turning gears. Then she sighed a bit, and pushed it in
front of me.
“My
camera is answerless. How come it doesn’t really do anything with M mode?”
“Maybe
because many people only use mirrorless cameras in automatic mode. Just use it
with A Mode or T Mode.”
“I’m
ALREADY doing that.”
Her
lips rose with a slight arrogance, a cute smile full of pride that kids usually
wear when they feel they are great. She then immersed into taking photos,
clicking and adjusting her sleek white camera. Her round black eyes rolled in
excitement. Her frustration seemed to work as a stimulus pushing her into the
world of photography. I focused my camera to Jaekyeong: to delicate movements
of her fingers, to her glowing black eyes, and to her face lightly puckered
with seriousness.

We
walked around the park under cherry blossom trees. Now evening was approaching
and orange pink light was seeping through everywhere. People were pouring out
from the zoo. We were surfing against the pink-gold waves of crowd, in search
for faces and moments. The most remarkable ones came from babies and small
kids. Their youthful movements and lighted faces were purely joyful. They did
not show the slightest sign of fatigue or groan. No exaggerated movements or
expressions that couples in twenties bore, no reluctance that older ones bore.
They were just there in the park, running and laughing and playing. Nobody
could intrude their immaculate delight in the moment. Orange sunbeams and baby
pink flowers shone like halos behind them.
I
was taking photos of these kids when I realized that Jaekyeong was not beside
me. Suddenly I got very nervous, and the orange pink light lost its
gorgeousness. The light was rather romantically muzzy. I crossed the road,
heading to the museum hill, wondering if she would be there. I held my hand
near my eyes, trying to avoid the sunlight blocking my sight. Azaleas lighted
up the hill with its pinkish violet petals. There I saw Jaekyeong, and all
azaleas around her blurred like magical bubbles from faraway.
Her
movements were subtle in somewhat decisive and solemn way. She also emitted the
youthful delight that the younger children in the park showed, and nobody could
break into this immaculate pleasure she rejoiced. But Jaekyeong’s had this
graveness that kids did not have. She beautifully gleamed rather than thoughtlessly
sparkled, not like from the days she were few months ago. She was not “the little
one” whom I did not understand and worried about. She was more than just a cute
little sister who did not know much about many things. Her soft stinginess in
her fingertips bore the faith and confidence she had about her own life.
I
silently approached Jaekyeong, hiding myself behind the stone wall. I held my
camera and focused on her hands and the flowers she were taking picture of. The
sun was going down. The sun projected the last golden beam to the world, to the
park, and to Jaekyeong’s eyes. I pressed the shutter, and cherry blossoms faded
and mingled with shades of azaleas. (635 words)
Beautiful! Great job, and infinitely better than your last camera one. We can definitely use this, BUT you can definitely play with it.
답글삭제What it says about you: kind, thoughtful, artistic, a mentor.
What it says about your abilities: can write, think, see the world as a humanist, and tell a nice little story that has plenty of philosophical subtext.
What is the message? This is where you can play with things and sharpen exactly it is you want the reader to take away with them after a quick read. As of now, things are hinted at, and that is okay, but you may wish to "shift gears" for a paragraph and change the tone and style to be more about you and your "Joycean epiphany." As of now, the essay is so focused on your little sister that the "after image" take a while to develop in the mind of the reader. You are realizing you are getting older by way of realizing your sister is getting older? You are witnessing your sister from a suddenly "adult perspective" and it makes you miss your innocent youth? It's okay to be elusive and leave things to the imagination of the reader, but in a college essay you may wish to be a bit more succinct in the last sentences.
Can you use a pic in your college essay? Maybe probably not? In any case, you describe the picture and the atmospheres beautifully, and I like how things change when you lose your sister.
All in all, this is your best work so far.